Babysitting and Unfortunate Innuendos
by Hurble Dee
Summary: While trying to convince Nick the she's good with kids, Judy makes some... very unfortunate statements. Rated T just in case.


**Disclaimer: In no way, shape or form do I own Zootopia. That's all Disney. I only own the idea of this fanfic.**

* * *

 _Babysitting and **Unfortunate** Innuendos_

"… as adorable as they are, I really don't like having to deal with lost kids that got separated from their parents."

"That's just because you're terrible with them."

"Says who?"

Nick and Judy were spending their lunch break together at one of their favorite haunts: "The Munchin' Mammal", a diner that was located at the edge of Savanna Central. Sure, it was small, but its surprisingly good food, large variety of dishes that caters to the taste of mammals of all sorts and the homely atmosphere made it one of central Zootopia's hidden gems. And most importantly of all, the food was rather cheap. Which, to mammals that live on a cop's salary, was a godsend.

"You tried to console the crying kid with lame dad jokes. I mean, seriously? I'd give you an 'A' for effort but you couldn't do _any_ better than that? Really? You told him the 'three humped camel' joke, for crying out loud!" Said Judy, as she took a bite out of her sandwich.

"It's not my fault that kids these days don't appreciate good humor. And besides, I wasn't given nearly enough time. A few more minutes and I could've got a conversation going. Say whatever you want, but it's an undisputed fact that all the kids just love me." Retorted Nick.

" _ **Sure…"**_ Judy thought. Though she hadn't forgotten about what her friend Pennington had told her about Nick and how he quickly befriended the lost otter kids the other day, she _still_ wasn't entirely convinced that Nick was actually skilled with kids.

"I just simply don't like dealing with _lost_ kids in particular. It's doesn't help that whenever the parents of the lost kids see their child talk with a fox, they simply assume that I was the reason that they left their side in the first place and that I was trying to kidnap them, or something. Being in uniform doesn't save me from this either. It's not something that I enjoy dealing with very much. I try to do something nice, and I get accused with kidnapping." He continued.

"Who _would_ enjoy dealing with that?" Asked Judy. "It's ridiculous, how so many mammals treat you like that! Sure, foxes have a reputation for being sly, untrustworthy, et cetera, but it's as if they view all foxes as criminals, or something." She exclaimed.

"That's the reality of it, Carrots." Sighed Nick.

"I just don't see why everyone's views are so over the top here. In Bunnyburrow, mammals at most treat foxes as mammals you have to a little more careful around, if not just simply avoiding them. Save for a few… more old-fashioned individuals." She was now thinking about her dad in particular, as well as her granddad whom everyone affectionately called: "Pop-Pop".

While her dad had only recently started to view foxes - and predators in general - in a much better light, the same can't be said for Pop-Pop. He, and pretty much all of the Bunnyburrow elders, still has deep-rooted preconceptions that all foxes were untrustworthy, and such. Apparently, they also believe that the reason that foxes were red because they were made by the devil, for some weird reason, even though most species of foxes weren't actually red. Fortunately, the rest of her family had more-or-less neutral stances on the matter.

"You once told me that your family bought the store's entire supply of pepper spray when you were nine, after the incident with the fox bully. What was his name… Gary? George? What was that all about, then?"

"His name was Gideon. And it's not really fair to use that that as an example. My parents just kinda freaked out when they found out that he had attacked me. Sure, they may have over reacted a little, but they were just worried about my safety, as well as all of my siblings.

"Fine. I'm pretty sure an incident like that would cause most parents to become flip out, but it definitely wouldn't have improved their opinion of foxes, I'm sure. I can only imagine what they did to the poor guy when they found out."

"My dad _did_ want to gather all of his friends and go after Gideon with flaming torches and pitchforks, but my mom managed to calm him down before it came to that, fortunately. But my mom did have a talk with Gideon. And by that, I mean, she went confronted him. Then she started ' _scolding_ ' him for his actions for a whole three hours. She was practically screaming at the top of her lungs the whole time, too. 'Setting him straight', as she called it."

"Yikes! And here I thought _you_ were scary when you're mad. Now I see where you get it from."

"They eventually got over it, for the most part. Heck! My family now works with Gideon as business partners. Gideon may have been a real jerk when he was a kid, but he really mellowed out over the past couple of years. He actually gives me free pies whenever I visit."

"Right." Said Nick. "But back on topic. You said that I wasn't good with kids, but I beg to differ. And I'm pretty sure _you_ are the one between the two of us that isn't good with kids, Carrots. Why else am I always the one responsible for looking after lost kids while you track down their parents, then?"

"C'mon, you're kidding me, right? I'm the one with several hundred siblings, here. When I was younger, I had to constantly babysit my younger siblings with little to no help, seeing as most of the older kids had more chores to do and also help out around the farm. I was pretty good at it, if I do say so myself." Boasted Judy.

"Taking care of family members don't count. Family members are supposed to be nice to each other by default. I'm talking about kids in general."

"I'm great at that too!"

"Oh really? Then why don't you tell me all about your experiences with them. With details, if you don't mind."

"Why do I have to elaborate?"

"If you really aren't making it up, then elaborating on the finer points shouldn't be any problem. Right, Fluff?"

"Ugh, fine. Well... I babysat a lot of neighbor's kits when I was still in high school. One of the more memorable kids was Eric. I remember our first meeting quite well. At the time, I was asked by one of my neighbors, Mrs. Skippson, to go over to her place and babysit her kit, Eric, while she had to go and take care of something urgent."

Nick raised an eyebrow, not believing what she had just said.

"Yes, she had only one kit. I know bunnies typically have **much** more kits than that, but it's possible to have only one kit in a litter, okay? And most bunnies these days opt to have smaller families, y'know. What with overpopulation problems and busier lives as compared to the past."

"Ah."

"So anyways, she needed a babysitter at the last minute, and as she knew me since I was a young kit and felt I was responsible enough to take care of him, she called me up. And since I was at the top of my class in school, she also asked me to help supervise Eric in revising for his math test the next day."

"Let's hear more details."

"So, I went over that day and met Eric for the first time. He acted rather shy around me at first. Initially, I tried breaking the ice by getting him to answer some questions about himself. But seeing how uncomfortable he was, I just moved on and offered to help him study. He said sure, and then he brought me over to his room."

"Uh-huh… go on."

"He sat at his desk and started to look through his math textbook. While he was doing that, I came up with a few simple equations for him to do to see if he got his basics down, and gave them to him. When I checked his work, I realized that he hadn't touched any of the multiplication related questions. I asked him about it, and he admitted that what his teacher covered on the topic had completely flew over his head. As his tutor, I -"

"I thought you were his babysitter?" Nick interrupted.

Correcting herself, she carried on. "As the one who was responsible for helping him in studying, I couldn't let that slide."

" _Of_ course." Said Nick.

"I took it upon myself to teach that young kit all about multiplication and make sure he understands every aspect of it."

Upon hearing that, the fox had nearly choked on his juice. He started to chuckle. _**"Imagine the gossip that will come if that statement was taken out of context."**_ He thought. _***click***_

Thankfully for Nick, his partner hadn't noticed him laughing, and she continued to recount her story. "I tried explaining to Eric all of the concepts that was in his books as simply as I could. I thought starting with the theory of it sounded like a good place to start. But the confused look on his face made it clear that I was going about it the wrong way."

"M'kay…"

"I kinda figured he was more of a _hands-on_ learner from that, and that I was going to have to show him the steps to correctly carry it out. And so, taking one of my earlier examples, I showed him what he had to do first and worked on it from there. I pointed out things like where does _this_ go, when to do that, et cetera. Y'know, the very basics. He was unsure if he could actually do it correctly the first few times, but when he finally got it down, the happy look on his face made going slow worth it, even though it bored me _so_ much."

 _*Snicker*_

"Once he mastered the basics, I made sure that he picked up the pace. He managed to grasp some of the more advanced concepts rather easily after that. After an hour or two, he has handling the drilling far better than I expected he would, and he could pretty much take whatever I dished out at him, which an occasional mistake here and there."

"Okay, what happened after that?" Nick was now trying his best not to burst out laughing, and the oblivious bunny sitting across him wasn't making it any easier. _**"How has she not realized what she is saying right now?!"**_ He thought.

"At some point, I stepped out to use the bathroom and freshen up. When I came back, I found Eric sleeping soundly at his desk. It was only then that I realized how long it had been since we started, and decided to end it there. I personally wanted him to keep going, at least until I was sure that he understood everything perfectly. But that was probably the first time he went through such an intense review of his work, and I felt it was best to let him rest and tucked him into bed. He was rather young, after all."

"That was really _interesting_ , Carrots."

"After that, I heard from Mrs. Skippson that Eric did really well for that test, and that he wants he to come over more often. So, when I had time, I would go over and spend more time with him. He really seemed to enjoy his _sessions_ with me, and he opened up himself to me much more then when we first met. We're really close now, he was actually there at the station to see me off when I left for Zootopia, even if he was upset we couldn't continue our sessions together."

"Alright, Carrots. I'm convinced. If you could befriend a very shy kit after meeting him a few times, then I suppose that you aren't half bad." Admitted Nick.

"I **told** you so!" Said a satisfied Judy.

 ***Snicker***

Right then, Judy realized that there was a collective laughter in the diner. She quickly glanced around and saw that many of the other patrons of the diner were giving her funny looks. Some looked like they were about to burst at any time, and many were already in a fit of laughter.

"Mommy, why's everyone laughing at the bunny cop over there? What was so funny about what she said?" Beside where Nick and Judy were sitting, an innocent little zebra foal loudly asked his embarrassed mother.

A waiter came over to their table. "I'm sorry ma'am, but this is a **family** establishment. If you must discuss such things, at least keep your voice down a little." When he finished, the waiter promptly walked away and continued to serve the other customers, leaving behind a very confused bunny and a very amused fox. Nick noticed that the waiter was struggling to keep a straight face the entire time.

It was only then did Judy take a moment to carefully review what she had just said.

"Check, please!" yelled Nick.

* * *

"I can't believe I said all that!" Exclaimed an embarrassed Judy. She and her partner were currently in their cruiser, continuing their patrol. She was blushing hard, so much so that she could've been mistaken as an oversized tomato.

"This is all your fault, Slick!" accused Judy.

"What? How so?"

" _ **You**_ were the one who told me to elaborate!"

"And _**you**_ were the one who chose to phrase everything the way you did! Clearly, this is on you." Rebutted Nick.

" Ugh… they were all looking at me as if I was some sort of pervert! Most bunnies are already known as having large libidos, and the last thing I need is another label tacked onto me! How am I supposed to show my face around there ever again?!"

"Don't worry, it's not as bad as you think. There weren't **that** many mammals there, they'll all forget about it sooner or later."

"I certainly hope so. At least none of the other officers heard any of that, it's bad enough that you won't let me live this down. I'd lose all of the respect I worked so hard for…" Sighed a dejected Judy.

Seeing how upset Judy was about the whole situation, he started to feel bad about indirectly causing the whole thing. The sight of a usually peppy and driven Judy moping around made him feel very guilty on the inside.

Nick attempted to reassure her: "Cheer up now, Carrots. I'm pretty sure I didn't see any of those mammals at the diner filming you or anything. As long there isn't any proof, you can just deny everything and the stories that those few mammals may spread will just become baseless rumors that will be lost to time. You're blowing this whole thing out of proportion."

Upon hearing that, Judy started to cheer up. "…You're right. I'm making it sound worse than it actually is! I should look on the bright side! Thanks Nick!"

While his expression didn't show it, he was extremely relieved that his partner had returned to her usual self. He was glad to see that she hadn't taken the whole thing so badly.

"C'mon Nick, we still have a job to do!" Exclaimed Judy. The fox responded with a grunt, and quickly focused his attention back onto the patrol. But before that, he had one final thought:

" _ **Okay… I have to remind myself to delete that recording of her at the diner later…"**_

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 **AN: There used to be some (very bad) math put here by me in order to attempt justifying that Eric had reached sexual maturity and thus was likely to actually do the thing with Judy. It sounds dumb, and I realize now that it is dumb. The implications were bad, and just kinda over-complicates things. So that's gone forever.**

 **Quick disclaimer: In any other context, the implications of that innuendo would be really bad. I in no way shape or form support that, and never will.**

 **Thanks for reading, and leave a comment/review. Constructive criticisms are welcome.**


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